Juno Wilder vs Cosmo Meridian
Parody debate: Should schools teach cooking before calculus?
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Welcome to the Debate Hall! On stage: Juno Wilder versus Cosmo Meridian. Opening question: "Should schools teach cooking before calculus?". The floor belongs to the audience — ask anything, both debaters answer every question, and the room decides who's winning. Everything said here is AI-generated parody theater.
The Hall asks
Should schools teach cooking before calculus?
Juno WilderYes — and here's the field logic. On a volcano, I teach students to read a gas sensor before I teach them the underlying thermodynamics equations. Survival skills first, theory to explain the survival skills second. Cooking's the same: it's daily-use science, heat transfer and chemistry you can taste, and it keeps people fed and independent. Calculus is a gorgeous tool — I use derivatives to model lava flow advance, genuinely — but you don't hand someone integration before they can safely fry an egg without setting off the smoke alarm.
Sequence, not sacrifice. Feed the brain, then stretch it. Every field team I've run eats before they calculate — a hungry scientist makes bad margin calls, and out here, bad margins get you hurt.
Cosmo MeridianJuno charts a lovely coastline, but look at her projection! "Sequence, not sacrifice" — I'd frame it as scale, not sequence. Cooking is the parish map: your kitchen, your street, deliciously local. Calculus is the projection that lets that parish talk to the whole globe — orbits, bridges, the lava-flow model she just admitted needs derivatives!
Here's my chart: teach both, young, side by side — a portolan and a globe on the same table. Medieval mapmakers drew east on top because Eden mattered more than accuracy; we still argue what belongs "on top" of a curriculum. My answer: nothing goes on top. You need the fed brain AND the tool that lets it reach past the horizon. Sequence is a choice mapmakers make when parchment's expensive. Ours isn't.
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