Not Gay

Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men is a 2015 book by Jane Ward, in which the author details the phenomenon of straight white men seeking out sex with other straight men despite not identifying as gay, bisexual, or bi-curious. Themes Ward discusses hazing traditions such as the "elephant walk", a heterosexual bonding ritual that she describes as "notorious in the Greek system" in which "men are holding the penis of the guy behind them and they have their thumb in the butt of the guy in front of them." Such rituals can contribute to bringing teams or groups together and providing a feeling of belonging. This can also be achieved by permanent marking in the form of tattoos or brands. In contrast to these aspects of hazing, it can also become harmful or even abusive (including sexually abusive), and Ward explores the impulse that can lead young men to seek sexual dominance over others in unhealthy ways. Other examples of consensual sexual contact between heterosexual men explored by Ward include the circle jerk, straight men advertising online wanting to masturbate with other straight men, and "the long and clandestine history of straight men frequenting public restrooms for sexual encounters with other men." Ward examines the motivations of these men and how they reconcile their behaviors with their straight and heterosexual self-identity in differing circumstances, which includes enculturation into a new community and "situational homosexuality" in single sex environments such as prisons and the military. The book features excerpts from Craigslist personal ads, and discusses a number of reasons why straight men might seek out sex with other men, such as fear of being rejected by women, or finding women's bodies gross. The term "bro-job" (a portmanteau of the words "bro" and "blowjob") refers to a sexual encounter between two straight men who are often close friends. Ward expresses the view that "bro-jobs" are not an indication that a man is actually gay, but rather a means for straight men to explore their own sexual identity. Despite having been credited with coining the term bro-job, Ward clarified: "I do describe in the book what could arguably be called bro-jobs, but I never once use that word.